DBT Track of the Week #86 - The Avon Lady
Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 11:40 am
When I was six years old I rode to school with the scariest kind of woman in the whole wide world.
She wasn't your typical kind of femme fatale, she was much scarier than any of that.
She was an Avon Lady.
And I would get to her house, she lived in the house up the hill from my house,
overlooking down on my house.
And I would get there, and she would have all them nice little decanters and bottles of perfumes
spread out all over the kitchen table with the dirty dishes.
And she would try to sell it to me. She would say,
"You know if you were to buy your mama this glass unicorn full of this sweet smelling Avon perfume,
your mama would know how much you love her."
And I was six years old and I didn't have any money and I said "But Mrs. Belcher, I don't have any money."
And Mrs. Belcher, with her red bouffant standing up to about here, looked down at me and she said
"You don't have your lunchbox with you. Did your mother send you off without anything to eat?"
I said "No, Mrs. Belcher, I've got my lunch money."
And she said, "This unicorn could be yours. And it would show your mama how much you love her."
So I gave Mrs. Belcher my lunch money,
and I took my mama that unicorn on Friday, and my mama knew I loved her.
And the next week I took her a glass eight ball.
Not the kind she liked, but this one had perfume in it.
And I gave it to her, and she knew how much I loved her.
And the next week it was a goldfish.
A glass goldfish full of golden perfume, sweet smelling Avon perfume.
And I gave it to my mama.
Then about three days later the school called.
They said "Mrs. Hood, your son has been starving.
He's been falling asleep in class. He's looking rather malnourished.
Are you some kind of an abusive parent? Do we need to see about this?"
And my mama, she was all hysterical and crying
because she thought I had spent my lunch money on drugs.
I said "Mama, I'm only in first grade, you know.
And that's how I gave you these Avon decanters that showed you how much I loved you."
So my mama, she called Mrs. Belcher up, and she cussed her out.
But the next Monday morning I was right there, riding to school with her.
And she was PISSED OFF.
Off my favorite record, The Avon Lady opens up another side of DBT - that even in the middle of a raucus, loud and sweaty Rock Show, they aren't afraid to roll out a spoken word track. It certainly doesn't hurt that TAL is hilarious, from Patterson describing those decanters next to the dirty dishes to Mrs. Belcher telling Patterson that "this unicorn could be yours." I also love the lounge room blues backing music, which Cooley gives a lot of personality to throughout, e.g., that "waterfall" lick when Patterson describes how Mrs. Belcher's house "looks down" on his house.
TAL has all the little details that we love in Patterson's stories (like that red bouffant) and like I said, it's just plain funny - I love how even Patterson cracks up when relaying the principal's observation that he's been starving. That's why while I know TAL isn't Three Alabama Icons, I don't understand why Patterson referred to TAL as "half baked and half-assed" in an interview over at the AAW blog. If I ever get the chance to have a few beers with PH, it's definitely one of the questions I'd like to ask him.
She wasn't your typical kind of femme fatale, she was much scarier than any of that.
She was an Avon Lady.
And I would get to her house, she lived in the house up the hill from my house,
overlooking down on my house.
And I would get there, and she would have all them nice little decanters and bottles of perfumes
spread out all over the kitchen table with the dirty dishes.
And she would try to sell it to me. She would say,
"You know if you were to buy your mama this glass unicorn full of this sweet smelling Avon perfume,
your mama would know how much you love her."
And I was six years old and I didn't have any money and I said "But Mrs. Belcher, I don't have any money."
And Mrs. Belcher, with her red bouffant standing up to about here, looked down at me and she said
"You don't have your lunchbox with you. Did your mother send you off without anything to eat?"
I said "No, Mrs. Belcher, I've got my lunch money."
And she said, "This unicorn could be yours. And it would show your mama how much you love her."
So I gave Mrs. Belcher my lunch money,
and I took my mama that unicorn on Friday, and my mama knew I loved her.
And the next week I took her a glass eight ball.
Not the kind she liked, but this one had perfume in it.
And I gave it to her, and she knew how much I loved her.
And the next week it was a goldfish.
A glass goldfish full of golden perfume, sweet smelling Avon perfume.
And I gave it to my mama.
Then about three days later the school called.
They said "Mrs. Hood, your son has been starving.
He's been falling asleep in class. He's looking rather malnourished.
Are you some kind of an abusive parent? Do we need to see about this?"
And my mama, she was all hysterical and crying
because she thought I had spent my lunch money on drugs.
I said "Mama, I'm only in first grade, you know.
And that's how I gave you these Avon decanters that showed you how much I loved you."
So my mama, she called Mrs. Belcher up, and she cussed her out.
But the next Monday morning I was right there, riding to school with her.
And she was PISSED OFF.
Off my favorite record, The Avon Lady opens up another side of DBT - that even in the middle of a raucus, loud and sweaty Rock Show, they aren't afraid to roll out a spoken word track. It certainly doesn't hurt that TAL is hilarious, from Patterson describing those decanters next to the dirty dishes to Mrs. Belcher telling Patterson that "this unicorn could be yours." I also love the lounge room blues backing music, which Cooley gives a lot of personality to throughout, e.g., that "waterfall" lick when Patterson describes how Mrs. Belcher's house "looks down" on his house.
TAL has all the little details that we love in Patterson's stories (like that red bouffant) and like I said, it's just plain funny - I love how even Patterson cracks up when relaying the principal's observation that he's been starving. That's why while I know TAL isn't Three Alabama Icons, I don't understand why Patterson referred to TAL as "half baked and half-assed" in an interview over at the AAW blog. If I ever get the chance to have a few beers with PH, it's definitely one of the questions I'd like to ask him.
and the